Lost luggage? Now what?

We have had people ask us lately:

Q: Since you guys are such a world travelers and all around great guys, what happens when you all lose your luggage on the plane ride? How do you survive?


A: Well first off thank you for the compliment, we try to be great guys! Now to your question, how do we survive? You do whatever you have to. Whatever will still make you look cool and trendsetting and something that will catch the ladies eyes. I will give you an example. After watching slumdog millionaire, one of our friends was all about seeing what India had to offer as far as the ladies went. He was certain the love of his life would be over there, so we decided to take a little trip. What do you think happens? Yep he wears too tight of pants and you can see the outline of his junk, which doesn't get through customs because they find guys with schlong outlined pants gross and offensive oh and also he loses his luggage on the flight. They did give him this ugly blue robe/blanket to cover up though, yeah I know a guy in a robe is not offensive right? Anyway he was about to panic when we told him, relax buddy, all you have to do is improvise and have some confidence. And that is what he did. All he had was the robe/sheet and our other friend let him borrow a white t shirt, but he made it work, just as you should. I thought taking one look at the guy, there was no way he could make it work but he rocked it as bad as he looked he rocked it. Don't depend on your friends, think like MacGyver and use what is available. You should have seen how many girls he got on this trip, and although he didn't meet the "one," he still did well for himself, and it was all thanks to his creativeness. So if you are to learn one thing here, it is don't wear to tight of pants to India or you will not be wearing them very long. Give your penis room to breath there. Here he is walking around town looking for Indian trim:

Who needs a spot?!

Well, look at me now.  But you know what, I don't even give a care.  The guys over at the Sigma house told me that I have to handle doing a kegger for a full forty five seconds!  How do they expect me to prepare when none of the other Rushee's are allowed to help me prepare?  Well I guess this is my last resort.  In the end I will show those guys and I will become a Sigma Sigma Omega Chi man!  Let me hear it!  Yes Big Brother Greg..................SIG, SIG, OH, CHI...........OMEGA CHI WILL NEVER DIE!  I hope the girls at Zeta don't freakin' see me in my Polo best here.  I think I've got just the right angle here in order for me to consume as much as I possibly can.  Man....forty five seconds, that seems like a lifetime, but I know I can't even work out one calculus problem in that time.  Dude, you gotta love Charlottesville.  Now I know why ol' Jefferson got it on with Sally Hemings, it's in the Ale bro', Boom!                                                                       

Medieval Times!!!

I am open to anything, you all should know that by now. I live a crazy life just as the title of the blog says. So me showing up at a medieval party should not being anything to surprising. I am always on the hunt for 1. a crazy time obviously, and 2 hot women. Well lets just say I only found one of them here.

A real goofball told me that there is hot women at these things and the good thing is they don't know they are hot. The guys treat them like one of the fellas so they have no idea. Well I show up at this thing and let me tell you, I know why they treat them like one of the guys. Because they look, and act like one of them. So the picking up a hot girl idea came and went very quickly. I thought well I am here so let me have a good time at least.

I had to go online to figure out what to wear to this thing. I didn't realize how expensive this knight junk is. All of the pictures of what people wear to these things, look like real knights and stuff and I didn't want to look like a huge numbnut but I didn't want to break the bank either just for some hot girl which didn't exist. So I find this chain maille online that looked sweet but after I bought that I figured I had like 20 bucks for a sword and makeup. I wanted to look old to gain respect from the guys like respect your elders. Did they do that back in the knight days? Well that was the look I went for. But then I had like 10 bucks for a sword so I went with this goofy sword made of plastic. One time during the huge fight I heard someone yell out nice sword buddy, wtf is that thing? I looked around but luckily for my quick reflexes I ducked just in time because I was about to get beheaded. Another time I was really giving it to this guy, not gay just sword fighting, again not gay, real swords, and he just started laughing and ran to someone else. See respect right?

Let me tell you about how this thing goes down: you get there and you pull a sword literally out of the stone, there is two stones there with a sword in each one, on the tip of the sword is a color and you pull it out and that tells you which team you are on. So I met up with my guys and well look at the picture, I was like wtf did I get myself into. I mean do I really think Merlin has my back or that freaking little kid what is he gonna do? Nice shot robin hood but your tiny bow just broke so get on my back and lets storm the castle. Then you got the one guy who actually brought his 6 month old. I even asked that guy, wtf is up with this kid, they didn't wear jeans back then. He got all mad like come on man stop taking it so serious. I got all up in his face, he didn't want any part of me.

The point of the game is classic capture the flag. They were like who is fast, so of course I said I was. They were like yeah right old man, I was like this is just make up and then I ran a forty to show them. So they put me up front as one of the guys going out to capture. So the game starts and all you have to do is stab someone in the chest with your sword so I was like this will be easy. It was also. I think most people were out there to have a good time, but not me, I am competitive. I want to win. So I was like kicking guys in the balls and stabbing them, all kinds of things. So we get up close to the other teams castle, it is me, feather in his hat guy, gray beard guy and pink beard guy, which I was like man you are lucky were not allowed to kill our own members because this beard you got going is ridiculous. He was like yeah I know, I had my wife wash it and for some reason she put it in with the reds and it came out like this. I didn't have time to get another one. I was like well you didn't think about not wearing a beard this time. Then all the guys laughed because I guess his name was Sir Longbeard so.

We make a plan: storm the castle and get the flag. So of course I get the flag, the other three get killed but I make it to no man's land safely to secure the victory for our team. We ended up celebrating with a few beers and a ye olde turkey leg as they said it was called. I told them to shut up and take the picture. As you can tell, that yes I did have a good time but I was not about to show these losers that. They are lucky I was there that day to gain victory over the other losers.

Biker party

So do you see me? You have to look hard because I was wearing a disguise. Alright I don't think you can find me so I will just tell you. I will just circle me. I am sitting and I have a short wig on and a mustache. Yep now you see me. I am the older gentleman next to the old lady.

All my friends were like "Look dude, biker chicks are the hottest, what you need to do is go to one of those all day biker things and hook it up there." Well you know how I do. I basically just travel around looking for the ladies so I figured why not. But I could not roll in looking the way I do, they would never believe I have ever been on a bike in my life let alone be a real biker. So I went for the fake mustache with a ton of leather. I had on leather chaps but they were like no that is too far so I just went jeans and surprisingly I fit in. But don't worry my boots were leather and my chair that I fold up was even leather.

So I get there early, and there is like five people there. I was like this is so lame but I got to hold it out for some dyed blonde's. So I plop my leather chair down next to this old lady and see if she thinks I am a true biker. I figure if I could fool this old lady who I am sure has been around the block more then a few times, I could fool anyone here. So I say "I love harley's." She said sit down you old biker you, which right then I knew I was in. She was hitting on me hard all day but I was like look your to old for me, it is not going to happen unless it's with another women then maybe.

So as the day goes along I am just checking out tail, seeing who I can knock the leather boots off of, then I spot her, you see the one in the front of the picture. No not the goofy one with the USA Bruce Springsteen bandanna, even though she wanted me bad. No the one with the blond hair. I have a thing for blonde's but how was I gonna get past the other bandanna guy. WTF is up with all the bandanna's? So I pull two guys with no shirt on, aside and I'm like first off where is your guys leather at? Second I need you to divert the attention away from this guy over there so I can get with the hottie. So what happens is the first guy with no shirt on goes over and starts a fight with a dude, then the second guy which you see right now, he is heading over toward the fight and he is going to ask the bandanna guy to help. Now what you don't see is I am about to go start waxing down the green bike like it's mine and be like "I don't know what is hotter, you or this bike right here." "I would love to take both of you for a ride." Boom she is mine.

So I knew it, she wanted me bad, so I am like "look road whore lets go back to one of those bike trailers and leave a sign up: if the trailer is a rockin don't come a knockin. Don't worry I already have one made" I pull it out of my pants. I say to her "I can't wait to see if your a natural blond." So she is all about it and we find an empty trailer and I leave the sign. The thing was we are getting so hot and heavy I forgot that I had a fake mustache and wig on. So during the make out session my mustache falls off and she is like wtf? are you here just to pick up biker chicks with dyed hair. What about all this leather is that just part of it? Then she was like I am going to get my boyfriend on you, we hate fake bikers" So I just bolt out of there just wearing my leather undies, which by the way I had a huge rash for days. I ruined that one like always. She was a hot biker chick but I don't know if that is the crowd I want to run with. To much leather for me.

Cop

Don’t pay attention to those goofs in the forefront. Like normal, I am somewhere in the back. Do you see me, yep that is me dressed up as a cop looking around for tail. I know your thinking why a cop, and to that I would say stop being dumb, we all know women love men in a uniform. So here was the plan: I would dress up like a cop and then stand there with my arms crossed looking very official and then occasionally yell out things like hey be careful you may get arrested because you’re so hot. They looked at me like yeah ok, sure that is a law. Oh I also forgot to mention that my nametag says Perv. No one questioned if that was my last name because of fear of getting arrested. I did have a few girls come up to me and ask if I wanted to have a drink but I was like listen I am on duty right now, maybe afterwards, and maybe if you get two more girls to come along and maybe if you promise me some butt. If not run along, I have to patrol this crazy party, also you may want to tell that girl in the high soccer socks she may be arrested if she doesn’t take those off and turn her kangol hat around like Samuel L. Jackson because I don’t like her look. So in the end I didn’t get any girls, I just kept running to different spots and talking into my walkie talkie, like something important was going on. I wonder if anyone caught on that they were fisher price. Right at the end of my shift these two numb nut drunk guys started going at it, gay fighting and stuff, some of the people loved it, and some of the annoying girls were like STOP!!! I was like yeah hit him in the face hard, then I realized I was supposed to be a cop plus those annoying girls were like Officer Perv do something, so after a huge sigh to let them know I was annoyed, I was like come on fellas break it up, then I punched one of them in the face and cuffed him told the crowd there is nothing to see here, and then walked away into the sunlight. I wonder how he got those cuffs off.