A real goofball told me that there is hot women at these things and the good thing is they don't know they are hot. The guys treat them like one of the fellas so they have no idea. Well I show up at this thing and let me tell you, I know why they treat them like one of the guys. Because they look, and act like one of them. So the picking up a hot girl idea came and went very quickly. I thought well I am here so let me have a good time at least.
I had to go online to figure out what to wear to this thing. I didn't realize how expensive this knight junk is. All of the pictures of what people wear to these things, look like real knights and stuff and I didn't want to look like a huge numbnut but I didn't want to break the bank either just for some hot girl which didn't exist. So I find this chain maille online that looked sweet but after I bought that I figured I had like 20 bucks for a sword and makeup. I wanted to look old to gain respect from the guys like respect your elders. Did they do that back in the knight days? Well that was the look I went for. But then I had like 10 bucks for a sword so I went with this goofy sword made of plastic. One time during the huge fight I heard someone yell out nice sword buddy, wtf is that thing? I looked around but luckily for my quick reflexes I ducked just in time because I was about to get beheaded. Another time I was really giving it to this guy, not gay just sword fighting, again not gay, real swords, and he just started laughing and ran to someone else. See respect right?
Let me tell you about how this thing goes down: you get there and you pull a sword literally out of the stone, there is two stones there with a sword in each one, on the tip of the sword is a color and you pull it out and that tells you which team you are on. So I met up with my guys and well look at the picture, I was like wtf did I get myself into. I mean do I really think Merlin has my back or that freaking little kid what is he gonna do? Nice shot robin hood but your tiny bow just broke so get on my back and lets storm the castle. Then you got the one guy who actually brought his 6 month old. I even asked that guy, wtf is up with this kid, they didn't wear jeans back then. He got all mad like come on man stop taking it so serious. I got all up in his face, he didn't want any part of me.
The point of the game is classic capture the flag. They were like who is fast, so of course I said I was. They were like yeah right old man, I was like this is just make up and then I ran a forty to show them. So they put me up front as one of the guys going out to capture. So the game starts and all you have to do is stab someone in the chest with your sword so I was like this will be easy. It was also. I think most people were out there to have a good time, but not me, I am competitive. I want to win. So I was like kicking guys in the balls and stabbing them, all kinds of things. So we get up close to the other teams castle, it is me, feather in his hat guy, gray beard guy and pink beard guy, which I was like man you are lucky were not allowed to kill our own members because this beard you got going is ridiculous. He was like yeah I know, I had my wife wash it and for some reason she put it in with the reds and it came out like this. I didn't have time to get another one. I was like well you didn't think about not wearing a beard this time. Then all the guys laughed because I guess his name was Sir Longbeard so.
We make a plan: storm the castle and get the flag. So of course I get the flag, the other three get killed but I make it to no man's land safely to secure the victory for our team. We ended up celebrating with a few beers and a ye olde turkey leg as they said it was called. I told them to shut up and take the picture. As you can tell, that yes I did have a good time but I was not about to show these losers that. They are lucky I was there that day to gain victory over the other losers.
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